I wanted to do more introduction-y posts before I got to the hard stuff, but I guess the Gods have other plans in mind, because this post wouldn’t leave my mind until I wrote it down.
I’ve been working with Anpu for two months now. Now comes the work, hard work. Healing work, yes, but I’ve been dragging my feet, kicking and screaming the whole way towards the crossroads.
…then the dreams started.
The first dream:
I am standing with Dejhuty, in a library. In the corner there is a shadow, human-shaped, with a dog’s head and red eyes.
“Are you Yinepu?” I ask.
“Are you Yinepu,” I ask again. Once again the shadow nods. I feel Anpu’s hands on my shoulders, and the shadow begins to growl.
I lean forward, my hands on my knees, my eyes squeezed shut. “You have no power over me…” I chant, but the shadow does not move. Instead it approaches me, still growling. Anpu pressed a hammer into my hands, I scream the words I have been chanting, but do not feel them in my heart. I swing the hammer at the shadow’s face and watch as its head flies across the room. But still it moves, and as it continues to move, I continue to beat it…
I wake up, in a cave, I look up and the shadow is still there, standing above me now. I wake up again…
…and it’s still there.
When I actually woke up, I had a very clear message: preform an execration ritual tomorrow, because Wep Rompet is very far away.
I have a very clear “theory” as to why it answer to Yinepu…I think it meant that if I let the shadows linger in my mind, they’ll take over and take the place of my faith.
I did the execration ritual…then two nights later, had another dream:
I am sitting in the same library, only this time there is a knife in my hand. I turn towards the shadow and hurl the blade, pinning it to the wall.
Papa Legba is sitting across from me. “You’re at crossroads,” he says, “and you must choose soon, or the choice will be made for you.”
I stare at him for a moment. “What are the crossroads?”
“Don’t you know?”
Papa Legba nods. “Precisely. There are more ways than that, but those are the two major roads.”
“And you’re here why…?”
“Because Anpu apparently isn’t getting His message across well enough.”
“Why you? Of all the way-openers I’ve heard of…why you?”
“Because if Ganesh were to show up…”
I swallow hard. “Kali would come with Him.”
“In another dream She said She’s going to be proud of me. Is…this…what She meant?”
He raises an eyebrow. “Perhaps.”
“What is it with way-openers and cryptic-ness?” I mutter.
He laughs. I smile as well. “You don’t expect me to take up voodoo, do you?” I ask.
“No. This is about the crossroads,” he replies
I look over at Anpu and Dejhuty, then at the shadow pinned to the wall. “So.” I take a deep breath. “I suppose healing is the way to go. Because…because if I don’t heal…then I’ll always be wondering ‘what if’ and I’ll keep getting stuck at this same crossroad again and again.”
“Yes,” Dejhuty and Papa Legba say. Anpu nods.
…and that’s where the dream fades out. I remember only bits and pieces after that.
I’ve had no contact with Papa Legba before that dream. I’d seen his name is passing on blogs and forums before but had no desire to look further. I think the reason why he showed up is just what he says; that I needed to have someone from another pantheon show up and tell me to get in gear.
The question now is…now that I’ve made a choice towards healing, despite how scared I am…where do I begin?